"It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything."

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That is the premise i live by,
its a stupid movie quote, i know.
but it works for me.
i have given up trying.
i have stopped trying to be what everyone wants me to be.
and i have begun to just go with the flow.
choose what works for me,
as i go along.

a friend has once told me that i was tyler durden.
in a way, she was right.
and in others, she was wrong.
it's up to everyone else to figure out which is what.

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i am an odd teenager,
i lack an identity crisis.

you know why?
because now, i just don't give a fuck.
i intend on putting as much effort and heart.
into anything i do.
but what happens to it from there.
i could care less.

right now i'm one of those people
that will paint a masterpiece.
and then when i'm done.
burn it.

that's where i am.

________________________________________

i've spent too much time worrying about my love life.
there's that one person, that i'll always wonder about.
and i'm coming to the realization. that i'll only ever get to wonder.
because she doesn't really want it anymore.
she says it, but i know her unlike any other.
and she's losing what she had.
my stupid clairvoyance couldn't see that this would happen.
and yet it could.

whatever.
maybe i've been spending too much of my time toked lately.
i'm going to finish what needs to be done here.
and move on.

_________________________________________

Dom